


The Punk That Got Away

by GiveMeYourGravy



Category: Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, M/M, Nudity, Punk Rock, Sexual Content, Skateboarding, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-04 14:44:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiveMeYourGravy/pseuds/GiveMeYourGravy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of Harry Styles. He and his freshly divorced mother have just moved to Doncaster to get a fresh start. He'd already made the decision not to tell anyone about his questionable sexuality. This was a fresh start afterall. He faces complications when on his first day, he literaly collides with Louis, Tommo the Punk, Tomlinson. Tomlinson who spends his time with his best mate Zayn at the skate park smoking and picking up chicks. Well, there goes that fresh start theory...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Complicated

**Author's Note:**

> Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
> 
> I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
> 
> Gets me frustrated
> 
> Life's like this you
> 
> You fall and you crawl and you break
> 
> And you take what you get, and you turn it into
> 
> Honestly, you promised me
> 
> I'm never gonna find you fake it
> 
> No no no
> 
> -Complicated by Avril Lavigne

\--Harry's POV--

It was the sound of heavy bass that woke me from my sound slumber that Monday morning. It was too Goddamn early for this shit. The voice of Ellie Goulding traveling throughout my room all because I made the mistake of hooking my iPhone up to my alarm clock last night. 

Here it is, in my hands  
In my veins, and overlands  
It spreads like fire, seeking air  
To pull me in, my own funfair

I finally gave up and and rose from my warm bed. Why was it that I put my alarm clock all the way across the room again? Oh, right...so I wouldn't feel the need to push snooze. 

I walked into the bathroom across the hall and was grateful I had worn boxers to bed last night for a change. The last thing I needed on my first day at my new school in Doncaster was my mother ripping me a new one for walking around the house in the nude. Not like it was anything she hadn't seen before...

I looked at myself in the mirror. My name is Harry Styles. I'm seventeen years old with a curly mop of brown hair and green eyes. I have lips that, according to my ex-boyfriend, were made to have only one thing between them. Yeah, you heard me right...I said ex-boyfriend. I'm gay and if I can help it, I won't let anyone find out at this school. 

I quickly dressed in the first clothes I could find, after assuring they weren't dirty. I chose a simple white v-neck t-shirt and some dark wash jeans. Not even my fingers could tame my mess of hair today so I chose to simply pull on a gray beanie. After putting on my sneakers I headed for the stairs. Mum's door was shut again and I could hear her crying softly, in hopes I wouldn't hear her. It had been just her and I for a little over a month now. My older sister Gemma had gone onto Uni and my father had cheated on her with some slut from the country club my mother insisted we join. I sighed again, I didn't have time to console her today. So, I just left. 

It took me about twenty minutes to get there on foot and I got there just as the bell to head to class rang. My eyes were focused on the sheet in front of me telling me which class was first and what room I was going to. I didn't hear the sound of two male voices coming right towards me...or else I would have moved before colliding with the the boy with blue eyes I could drown in and a smile that was making me weak in the knees. 

I felt the schedule fall from my hands when I looked into those eyes. I knew I needed to apologize to the guy, but for some odd reason my mind was blank. I couldn't get the words to come out. All I could think about was how tragically gorgeous he was and how undeniably straight he had to be. His hair was light brown and his bangs had this peculiar texture that almost reminded me of feathers. And he had a megawatt grin despite the fact that the clothes that just made me want to smile back at him. He was wearing a red t-shirt, black skinny jeans, black and white checkered suspenders, and white toms. 

"Aren't you going to fucking apologize to my friend here, kid?" a tan boy with dark hair and amber eyes snapped at me. My eyes shot down to the floor and the smile on my lips died instantly.

"Sorry, that was my bad" I said softly before finally looking back up at the blue eyed angel before me. 

"No problem, mate. Just watch where you're going next time" he smiled at me before bending over to pick up my schedule. He looked at it for a moment before handing it to me. "See you at lunch, new kid" he added with a wink before pulling his friend away.

I watched him go and gulped. Five minutes in and I already had a crush. I was royally fucked now. 

 

\---LOUIS POV---

It was as we were walking away from the curly haired boy that my laughter died in my throat. Zayn was giving me that knowing look again. It had been junior year that I'd actually let it slip to my exotic looking best friend that I was playing for both teams and I was lucky that he hadn't blurted it out to the whole entire universe. Instead, when I smashed my lips against his at that drunken party he just smirked and said "I had a feeling, Lou." Then we went back to drinking again. 

We only spoke of it when he got that look in his eye. That look that said that he'd found my future boyfriend. I shook my head at him. This was not the time nor the place to have this fucking conversation and he knew it. I mean, just because I liked boys, didn't mean I didn't also like girls. I happen to find the vag very appealing, thank you very much. 

"You know, he did have some pretty nice lips, Lou" Zayn finally said despite my glares and silent protests when we made it to class. 

I groaned aloud and buried my face in my hands. That was not the kind of image I needed right now in my fragile state of mind! I hadn't had sex since my ex-girlfriend Eleanor had left me. She'd made the decision to become a cheerleader and to date the captain of the football team (British football, for you lovely americans). Hey, if she wanted to get an STD that was her problem, not mine. 

He smirked at my look of pain. "Maybe we should ask him to sit with us at lunch?" he asked to no one in particular. 

I looked at him like he was high. The Zayn Malik willing to let someone into his precious inner circle all because he could tell I found him attractive? Well, my senior year was getting complicated already...


	2. Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do what I want when I feel like it!
> 
> All I wanna do is lose control!
> 
> But you don't really give a shit!
> 
> You go with it, go with it, go with it!
> 
> Cause you're fucking crazy rock n roll!
> 
> You said "hey, what's your name?"
> 
> It took one look, and now we're not the same!
> 
> Yeah, you said hey, and since that day!
> 
> You took my heart and you're the one to blame!
> 
> And that's why I smile, it's been a while!
> 
> Since every day and everything has felt this right!
> 
> And now, you turned it all around!
> 
> And suddenly, you're all I need, the reason why I smile!
> 
> -Smile by Avril Lavigne

\--Harry POV--

After standing there staring at where the blue-eyed Adonis had stood for a good ten minutes I finally came to the realization that I was late for my first class. So, what was the point in going now? Yeah, I probably could have gotten away with being that tardy given that it was my first day. However, the other kids were going to be staring at me enough as it is just with me being the new kid. I didn't need to give them another reason to look at me like I had six heads. So, instead I went and hid in the boys' bathroom for the rest of class, listening to Coldplay on my iPod.

Once the bell rang to second hour, I looked down at my schedule. Second period gym? I contemplated skipping again, but that would eventually resulted in a call home to my mother which would just end in her crying some more and I simply didn't need that shit right now. 

After battling with myself for a few minutes, I made my way to my gym class and headed towards the overweight man in the gray sweatshirt with an orange whistle around his neck. Why the hell would they make a fat man a gym teacher? Isn't he supposed to encourage us to work out? Or was it supposed to be like one of those ads on television that scare you away from things? Because if it was, it was working. 

I was stopped before I reached him though. Someone had grabbed hold of my shoulder. 

I turned to see a pair of gorgeous blue eyes looking back at me, but not the blue eyes I so desired. These blue eyes were accompanied by blonde hair and a braces filled smile. "You don't want to go over there, mate. He's fucking pissed. Some cunt got hit in the nose with a football earlier and got sent to the hospital. He's been screaming at everyone ever since. I'm Niall, by the way." The boy threw his arm around my shoulder and started guiding me to the changing room. It was as if he he had decided we were friends without even knowing me. 

The boy named Niall pulled me over to a boy with brown hair, brown eyes, and a kind smile. "Look, Liam! I found someone to replace me as the new kid!" Niall exclaimed. "This is....." he trailed off and turned to look at me with wide eyes. 

Oh, right...he wanted my name. "Harry Styles" I finally muttered and pulled my lips into a small smile.

The quiet man in front of me offered his hand out for me to shake and I slowly took it and shook it lightly before letting it go and turning my head to the sound of loud voices. 

What I saw shocked me. It was the boy that hadn't left my mind since I'd first seen him. A boy who'd been creeping into my every thought with his cheeky smile and bright blue eyes. A boy who was straight as a fucking door nail. I hated my life. 

Liam and Niall followed my gaze to my crush and his best friend as they entered the locker room. "Whatever you do, mate. Watch out for them. They're bad news" Liam told me in a tone that reminded me a lot of my dad's. 

"Yeah. The dark haired one is Zayn. He just got back from juvie. The other one is Louis and he's skipped more school than Li and I combined" Niall piped in. 

"I haven't missed any school since my first year here and you've only missed seven since you moved here" Liam said in confusion. 

"Exactly, he's missed more than seven days!" Niall exclaimed, like missing school at all was a sin or something. 

I couldn't help but smile softly and shake my head as I glanced at the boy I kept fantasizing about. His name was Louis. I wasn't sure I could promise Niall and Liam that I wouldn't try and get close to him. He was just too gorgeous to pass up, but I also couldn't tell anyone about me being gay, either. I saw him smile at something the Zayn guy said and then shook my head and glanced back at my new friends. Were they my friends? I sighed. I wanted to be the reason Louis was smiling. I removed my shirt and started getting dressed for gym.   
\--Louis POV--

It wasn't until the moment that I saw the boy with the luscious lips remove his shirt that I realized I was completely and totally fucked. I thought I'd be fine when I came into the locker room and saw he was in my gym class too. It hadn't really clicked in my brain that he'd be stripping for me. 

Get it through your head, Lou! He wasn't STRIPPING for me. He was just taking off his clothes and putting on another pair of clothes in FRONT OF me. Two, totally different things. 

I licked my lips and watched him undress until he was only wearing a pair of black boxer briefs. I unconsciously licked my lips a second time. Hey, at least I wasn't drooling! It was like having your favorite food waved before your eyes, but no matter how far you reach out, all you could do was brush it with the tips of your fingers...always just barely out of your reach. 

Zayn snapped his fingers in front of my face and I gasped. "Huh?" I asked him, knowing that I was probably looking at him like a deer looking into a pair of headlights.

Zayn chuckled at me. "I said his name is Harry Styles. He just moved here from Holmes Chapel with his mother. No father in the picture. That's the only information Perrie could dig up" Zayn told him. 

I gave Zayn a look of confusion. "You convinced your girlfriend to go digging about the new kid for me?" I asked him. Zayn was dating this purple-haired Goddess who was pretty much the Gretchen Wieners of our school. She knew everything about everyone. She was one of those people that you just wanted to tell everything to you, but she was NOT to be trusted with secrets...get a few beers in her and she'll be blabbing everything to whoever will listen.

Zayn just shrugged. "I was just being a good mate" he said and ran a hand through his hair. 

I grinned, nodded and draped an arm around him dramatically. "Thanks, mate" I grinned. It wasn't until I glanced over again at the boy named Harry that I caught him staring at me. I was shirtless at this point, finally deciding to get dressed. I shot him a playful wink and he looked away with a blush. 

Was it possible that he wasn't as straight as he appeared?


	3. Hot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna lock you up in my closet, when no one's around
> 
> I wanna put your hand in my pocket, because you're allowed
> 
> I want to drive you into the corner and kiss you without a sound
> 
> I want to stay this way forever, I'll say it loud
> 
> Now you're in and you can't get out!
> 
> You make me so hot!
> 
> You make me want to drop! 
> 
> You're so ridiculous! 
> 
> I can barely stop!
> 
> I can hardly breathe!
> 
> You make me wanna scream!
> 
> You're so fabulous!
> 
> You're so good to me, baby...baby!
> 
> You're so good to me, baby...baby!
> 
> -Hot by Avril Lavigne
> 
>  
> 
> Also: in answers to some questions...YES, Louis and Zayn do have their tattoos. Harry does NOT have his tattoos yet, they will be incorporated in later chapters as the corruption of Harry Styles begins. So, please play along with me? (Insert pouty face here). Whether Liam has his tattoos or not, is completely up to you as the reader. Thank you for hopefully reading this! Love, Kenz x

\--Harry's POV--

It was after gym ended and coach was having us all get in the showers that I froze. I was standing just outside of the showers with nothing on me, but a towel around my waist to keep me covered up from any prying eyes. 

I knew I was standing there looking like an idiot, but this was both a wet dream and a horrible nightmare for me. There was no way in hell I was going to avoid popping a boner in that shower surrounded by a bunch of good looking guys that just happened to be naked and lathering their bodies in soap. I closed my eyes for another moment. Nope. I couldn't do this. No way in Hell. 

"You okay, mate?" I heard a voice ask as a hand fell upon my shoulder. 

I gasped and turned to face the person that had called me out of my thoughts. My eyes widening even more when I realized it was Louis standing behind me, only wearing a towel himself. His hair was slicked back from the shower he'd apparently just taken. It felt like time was passing slower than ever as I watched the water drip down his chest and pecs, stopping at the top of the thin white towel separating my eyes from his bottom half. Not that the towel left much to the imagination. 

"No need to be shy" he told me. "You don't HAVE to get in the shower if you're worried about what others will think of you. Despite what you may have been told, we don't all compare dick sizes in the shower" he said with a light-hearted smile as he took a slow step towards me. 

He was way too close for my liking. Which meant he wasn't close enough my dick's liking. I groaned inwardly and bit my bottom lip. I could feel myself becoming harder and and I was just praying he wouldn't notice it. The blood was slowly rising to my cheeks and I couldn't look him in the eyes when I heard my name called from the other side of the locker room. 

I glanced over to see Liam looking at me worriedly. He was fully dressed at this point. "You coming or what, Harry? The bell's going to ring soon and you're not even dressed yet" he said loudly enough for me to hear. Hell, he said it loud enough that everyone in the room was looking at me and Louis now. 

I shoved passed Louis quickly and moved towards Liam, Niall, and my clothes. "What was that all about?" Niall asked me as I pulled my boxer briefs back on. 

I only shrugged and grabbed for my pants. It was when I made the mistake of glancing at Louis and saw the smirk tugging on his lips as he watched me that I knew he'd seen my erection. There was no way to explain that to him without telling him I was gay. 

\--Louis POV--

I watched Harry walk away from me quickly, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment and a bit of shame. Oh, to be young and innocent. Though, I'd probably be embarrassed too if I'd popped one in the middle of the boys locker room. Oh, wait. I did that all the time. I was just good at convincing others that I had been thinking about...well, how about you just insert the name of whichever girl I'm flirting with this week here, okay? 

Anyway, I knew the boys' locker room was not really the best of places to get a semi, much like the one I was getting right now at the ways I could imagine myself corrupting the curly haired virgin. Wait, was he a virgin? With those lips, probably not. 

Shaking away the filth that were my own thoughts, I dressed back into MY clothes as quickly as possible. Zayn was already off snogging his precious Perrie behind the bleachers. Which, even I think is trashy and I've slept with my share of girls here and in my share of trashy places. Behind the bleachers though? That was stereotypical and absolutely revolting. 

I smiled softly as I saw Harry pull his shirt back over his bare chest. It was a rare sight to me, a body without any tattoos. The only other boy who was really and truly tattoo free here was Harry's Irish friend. .. the loud one that liked to eat. Damn it, why could I never remember his name? 

The point was that I couldn't help, but picture myself corrupting this boy in many ways. Getting him inked up, teaching him the art of dick sucking and anal sex, maybe even getting him wasted once or twice. The latter would probably have to come before the dick sucking and sex though...

I sighed again as the bell rang and Harry made his way passed me yet again. No, no, not this time. I hurried my so I could catch up with him. I even draped my arm across his shoulders, giving him what I hoped to be my friendly smile as opposed to my 'I'm going to rape you' smile. 

"Aren't you going to come and sit with me in Bio, new kid? Zayn's off with his girlfriend this period and I don't want to sit with his loser friends by myself. Plus, you owe me for nearly knocking me on my ass, right?" I asked him as I pulled him towards the classroom. 

He didn't say a word as I lead him to a table in the back. I saw the Irish boy and his mate give Harry a worried look which caused me to scoff when we sat down. Of course the goody goodies were worried for the little Haz. Ooh, Haz. I liked that. 

"Class, turn to the student at the table with you and introduce yourself" the teacher declared over the bell as it rang. 

I turned to face Harry with a cheeky grin. 

"I'd like you to meet your new lab partner" he added once everyone had said hello to their table mate. 

I could see his eyes widen in panic and I was sure my face mirrored his. I had probably set myself up for this, really. This was supposed to be a one-time thing. As much as I wanted the tempting little devil in front of me for my own...I knew it was something I could never act on. 

And here he was, my own personal carrot...to be dangled in front of me all semester. 

Damn my good looks and winning personality...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think so far? Love it? Hate it? 
> 
> Love, Kenzie xx


	4. Bad Reputation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't give a damn about my bad reputation!
> 
> You're living in the past!
> 
> It's a new generation!
> 
> And I only feel good when I got no pain!
> 
> And that's how I'm gonna stay!
> 
> And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation!
> 
> -Bad Reputation by Joan Jett
> 
> HOLY CRAP, it's not an Avril song!? Well, guess what!? She did a cover of it so :P I still win. 
> 
> All juvenile acts aside...here's another chapter. Enjoy and be sure to read the chapter end notes please!

\--Louis POV--

Monday had been pretty much uneventful after finding out that sex kitten that was Harry Styles was going to be my lab partner for the semester. We'd managed to make it through class without doing anything stupid...and by we, I meant me. I had spent the entire class trying my best not to straddle him and find out what he could do with those lips of his. 

Luckily, the head of my lower region isn't the only one I listen to and I'd decided to think with the one above my shoulders instead. Getting suspended for mauling the new kid with my mouth was not the way I wanted the world to find out about me being bisexual. 

When the bell had rung, Harry had bolted from his seat and out the door, but not without one last look in my direction. I'd packed up my stuff and gone after Zayn not long after.

I managed to shuffle through the rest of the week without jumping Harry's bones either. He made it a lot easier when he refused to speak or look at me except when we were doing lab work during class. I didn't know what I'd done. He seemed fine after the dick sighting on monday...? He'd been fine when we left Bio, I even thought we were starting to hit it off? What could he suddenly think he knew about me that was scaring him away from me?

It was when I went to lunch with Zayn on Friday afternoon in the cafeteria when he sat me down and told me what had happened and I was certain I'd never been angrier in my life. 

\--Zayn's POV--

It was Tuesday evening when the shit had hit the fan. It was the day after I figured out that Louis had a new man crush that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. . . I had accidentally outed him to the worst person to out anyone to. My girlfriend. 

You see, when Louis had kissed me a year ago at the party, it awakened something in me. Not sexual feelings towards him, no. It did make me realize that I wasn't as into women as I had originally thought. In fact, I was pretty sure I wasn't actually into women at all. That's a huge slap in the face in my culture though. A gay Pakistan!? That's like declaring the next pope to be a Lutheran.....exactly. It's not supposed to happen and the odds of it happening are zero. And yet, here I was, beating those impossible odds and surely becoming a failure in my family's eyes. 

I was hoping it was just a faze...or drunken stupidity, so I started dating Perrie. I mean, she's a pretty fit bird and she liked me, so why not? She was good in the sack and she had a nice rack. My mates and other blokes were congratulating me when I walked down the hall for bagging and shagging her. And I thought...maybe I'd be okay. 

It wasn't though. Sober and drunk alike, I couldn't get myself to be attracted to her. I had to think of blokes from school to pop a woody for her so that she wouldn't find out! What made it worse that I was pretty sure I had feelings for my best friend from elementary school, Liam Payne. That's a story for another time though...

I'd decided I couldn't lie to Perrie anymore. I was going to end it with her. It had taken me a few bottles of liquid courage before I could even get the nerve to ring her doorbell. She'd opened it with a smile and I'd gone in, leaving my skateboard and shoes by the door as I had hundreds of times before. 

She'd dragged me to her bedroom and practically jumped me once the door was closed, but I couldn't bring myself to kiss her back, no matter how smashed I was. She pulled away with a frown and looked at me in confusion. 

"We need to talk" I said and sat her down on her bed, making sure she was a safe distance away from me. I was just going to tell her it was over, that was it. She was pouting at me and had this worried look on her face and before I knew it, I was telling her the two most stupid words I could tell someone. "I'm gay."

And I wish it was just that. I wish I had only outed myself to her, but no. Her eyes filled with tears and she asked me how long. My heart was breaking. Before I knew it, I was telling her everything. And it went as far back as Louis kissing me at that party. 

It ended with her smacking me across the face and demanding I get out. 

I thought that was the end, but it wasn't. Perrie had told EVERYONE. Louis was outed along with me and it was all my fault. I was a screw up and the worst best friend known to man. 

\--Louis POV--

After Zayn told me his story, I did what any stupid and scared teenage boy would do when they had been told that their secret was out in the open for all to see. 

I punched Zayn square in the jaw and ran the fuck out of there. 

I didn't even see Harry chase after me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so short! I'm sorry!!!!! 3 Forgive me?
> 
> What do you want to happen in the NEXT chapter? LEt me know in the reviews and I'll try my best to make it happen! Should Harry try and pretend to be straight by hooking up with a girl? I heard one about maybe doing a side bit of Niam or Ziam? Oooh, you naughty readers! Just let me know and if I like the idea maybe I'll use it! 
> 
> I'd like to be at around forty reviews before my next chapter, okay? Just so I can hopefully get some homework done? I didn't expect so many people to actually like my story. . . (low self-esteem, can you tell? haha)
> 
> Thank you so much to those of you who reviewed on the last chapter! Without you, I wouldn't be updated this one only a little over twenty-four hours later! You guys are keeping me on my toes and keeping me distracted from my maths (if I fail, I blame you :P). What are we talking about? I wasn't going to do my math anyway!
> 
> Bored? Read my other stories!   
> I have a Zarry story called Walk of Shame!
> 
> I have a Narry story called When Snapback Met Beanie which is co-written by PornyZiallFeels (check out her shiz. For real, she's fabu).
> 
> I also have a lot more stuff in the works right now. Some smutty one-shots and (with encouragement) A ZIAM STORY!? I'm still working on it, but I'm planning on doing a story where Liam is the son of a preacher man and Zayn is the badboy that wants to bring him down to earth. I'm thinking of calling it Locked Out of Heaven..too much? Let me know. A know I had requests for Ziam love! Let's just hope I can get some work done so that I can write more for you guys!


	5. Runaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __
> 
> _I just want to scream and lose control_
> 
> _Throw my hands up and let it go_
> 
> _Forget about everything and runaway, yeah_
> 
> _I just want to fall and lose myself_
> 
> _Laughing so hard, it hurts like Hell_
> 
> _Forget about everything and runaway, yeah_
> 
> -Runaway by Avril Lavigne

\--Lou's POV--

I have no idea how long I was running for. All I knew was that when I stopped running, I was no longer at the school, I was home. 

I heard panting behind me and turned slowly. There was Harry fucking Styles standing there. Well, he was really bent over and holding onto his knees. He was trying to catch his breath and I moved over to him, patting him on the back lightly. "You okay?" I asked.

He moved away quickly and nodded. "I should be asking if you're okay" he countered. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I couldn't really understand why he was being so nice to me, but I wasn't going to question it. I couldn't talk about this with Zayn. He hadn't even had the courage to tell me he was gay and I wasn't going back into that school after just punching my best mate in the face and running away like a bitch. 

I slowly nodded and opened the door to my house. He stepped inside and I followed after, shutting the door behind us. 

\--Zayn's POV--

My eyes burned and my mouth was in agonizing pain. I slowly rose from my seat in the cafeteria. I'd been ignored by everyone but Louis today because of my being gay. Perrie had been the first person I'd told. My own parents didn't know. Being gay was not something that was considered okay. It wasn't even an option in my family. 

Before I knew it, I had punched the locker of some poor freshman. It was now dented, a permanent imprint of my fist inside. I leaned against the lockers and slowly slid to the floor. My hands going through my hair as I struggled to do anything but cry. I wanted to just erase everything. Erase being gay altogether, and especially erase telling Perrie about it. Why couldn't I have just told her that I didn't want to be in a relationship or some bullshit? At least then I wouldn't be looked at like I had three heads. At least then people wouldn't be whispering about me. That's what I hate, the beginning faze of bullying. It's that part where they're whispering and you try to convince yourself it isn't about you, but they stop talking altogether and just look at you with wide eyes when they see you enter the room. It takes a bully to know the signs. 

I couldn't help but think back to Liam...

**Age 14**

_Liam and I were in his bedroom, listening to music and doing our homework. He was going on about Michael Buble and things of that sort._

_I really wasn't listening much, but I heard him ask me a question, and I looked up at him. Instead of being smart and saying I hadn't heard him, I'd nodded._

_I'd assumed this would be the kind of question where he then smiled and went on to talk about whatever it was some more. Instead, he'd leaned into me and kissed me. I'd even surprised myself by kissing him back._

_I was lost in it for a moment or two, before hearing my father in my thoughts. "If you come home one day and tell me you're homosexual I'll kill you myself so that others don't have to." I ripped my mouth from his quickly and looked at him in surprise._

_"What was that for?!" I asked, almost angry._

_Liam blushed softly. He seemed unsurprised by my glare and my attempt at looking disgusted "I think you should leave, Zayn" he murmured._

_I did what he wanted, packing up my school bag and leaving his house. That was the last time he had spoken to me._

I hugged my knees to my chest and cried. Right there in the hallway for anyone to see. I just didn't care anymore. I had hurt the person that had meant the most to me and lost him...twice. Once for Liam, and once for Louis. Maybe I wasn't meant to have friends. All I ever did was fuck things up. 

\--Harry's POV--

I was in Louis Tomlinson's house! Why was I in his house? Why had I followed him when he ran off in the first place? Specifically after everything Niall and Liam had told me. Told me about Liam having had feelings for Zayn and Zayn's constant bullying for it. 

Louis motioned for me to sit on the sofa and I did. He sat next to me, and I just listened. I listened as he told me about his first experience with a woman and listened when he told me about his first experience with a man. 

Apparently, his ex boyfriend's name was Matt. Matt had been in the closet, or so he said, and then had cheated on Louis with Niall. Or so Louis thought when he went and kicked the shit out of Niall. It was then that they found out that Niall had been apart of the same ruse Louis had. Niall had given everything to Matt and had fed him a bunch of lines, just like he had done with Louis. 

Louis and Niall had agreed not to tell anyone about the other's sexuality and apparently the only way to do that was to have a mutual respective silence towards each other along with keeping your distance. 

Louis told me about coming out to his best friend Zayn about being bisexual by kissing him. 

I listened as he told me Zayn's story from the day before. It was then that he fell against me and sobbed. I wrapped my arms around him. "Everything's going to be alright, Lou" I murmured after a few minutes of silence. 

He looked up at me with tear-filled eyes and kissed me softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this, give it kudos, comment on it, and bookmark it. You are all amazing and keep me writing. I hope this chapter is as well-liked as the last four. Be sure to let me know what you like and what you don't like. Tell me what you want to happen,yeah?
> 
> Love, Kenzie Xx


	6. Contagious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _They all say that you're no good for me_  
>  But I'm too close to turn around  
> I'll show them they don't know anything  
> I think I've got you figured out  
> So, I walk out in silence  
> That's when I start to realize  
> What you bring to my life  
> Damn, this guy can make me smile
> 
> -Contagious by Avril Lavigne

\--Louis PoV--

I could hear Harry talking to me, but I'd stopped listening to him a while ago. I just kept staring at that mouth. The way he bit his bottom lip when he was thinking carefully about what he was saying. The way he licked his lips before he said something he thought should be considered important, but all his words were unheard by me, all because of that fucking mouth!

Before I knew what I was doing, and later on I would blame this on my emotionally trying day, I was pressing my lips to his.

His whole body stilled as I held my lips to his. I kept my eyes closed, because the last thing I wanted right now, was to see disgust in his if I opened them. My heart was beating a mile a minute.

Then, suddenly, it was as if time stood still. Harry slowly parted his lips and kissed me back. My heart was no longer beating. The only rational explanation I could come up with, was that I was dead.

The parting of his lips against mine, was like literally having the gates to heaven before you. It was breathtaking and magical and I couldn't believe the way a shitty day had become an amazing one in only an hour's time.

I felt something soft and wet against my bottom lip and I knew immediately it was his tongue. My mouth opened slightly for his and his tongue made itself at home in my mouth, even having the balls to battle my tongue for dominance!

He laid back on the sofa, pulling me on him so I was straddling his hips. I could already feel my skinnies straining with my hardening length and I just had to hope that he either wouldn't notice or wouldn't care as I attempted to rest my body on top of his.

He laughed softly against my mouth, no doubt realizing what an effect he'd already had on me when all we had done so far was play a little tonsil hockey.

\--Harry's PoV--

Well, as Louis made himself as comfortable as he could on top of me with that rager of an erection, I knew one thing for certain. Louis Tomlinson was **not** straight. Best fucking news I'd ever heard.

I still didn't know why I'd run after Louis in the first place or why had compelled me to try and help him, but here I was. And now I was having snogging my bloody brains out. I certainly wasn't complaining.

Louis moved his hips against mine suddenly, and I groaned both inwardly and outwardly. The teenage boy in me loving this, but the virgin in me telling me it wasn't a good idea.

I listened to the first voice, moving my hips against his at a rapid pace.

Louis had stopped kissing my lips and was kissing down my jaw until he'd found the sensitive spot just below my ear. He began sucking softly. I groaned again, he was going to leave a mark.

His hand moved down my chest, over my shirt until he reached the top of my trouser. His fingers teasingly starting to slip inside.

_I can't do this_ I thought as I pushed Louis away. He looked surprised as he fell back on the other side of his sofa.

I sat up quickly and ran my hands through my curly hair. "I'm sorry, Louis. I want to, but I'm not ready. I'm a virgin" I admitted to him.

\--Louis PoV--

A virgin. Harry fucking Styles was a mother fucking virgin. Well, shit. I didn't see that coming.

I sat there for a moment, letting it sink in. I'd apparently been silent for too long when Harry stood and started to head for the door.

I grabbed his arm before he was even out of the living room, pulling him back to the sofa with me again. "I'll wait for you, Styles. I think I'm starting to like you and I'd like to get to know you if that's okay?"

Harry grinned big and I knew I'd said the right thing just then. "How about we just watch some telly and talk, yeah?" I suggested.

He nodded again and got comfortable next to me on the sofa . I handed him the remote and let him flip through the channels.

I glanced casually at my phone and gasped when I looked at the screen.

_5 Missed Calls from Zayn Malik._  
5 Voice Mails from Zayn Malik.  
17 Text Messages from Zayn Malik

Holy shit. I was an awful friend. I wasn't the only one that had had their life fucked up by Perrie Edwards today. I'd taken it out on him when it wasn't all his fault. It was mine too. I was in the closet and when he opened the door on himself, of course he was going to be opening the door on me.

Not only that, but while Zayn was God knows where worrying about me...I'd been snogging Harry, not giving two shits about him....

I could fix this right?...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  Are you all liking the way the story is progressing? I mean when they started mauling each other like wild animals. I, personally, was like this:  
>   
> The sex is coming, you impatient little trolls, WHO I LOVE SO MUCH! :D
> 
> Let's start with some thank you's again!
> 
> Thank you to PornyZiallFeels for remaining my open-minded proofreader! I love you, Jen! You've become the big sister I always wanted. *sniff*
> 
> Thanks to the OVER 350 of you that have read this story, the 8 kudos, the 4 bookmarks, and the MANY comments. Your feedback is ADORED. 
> 
> Please keep reading and telling me what you think. 
> 
> xXKenzie


	7. Fall to Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And I don't wanna fall to pieces_
> 
> I just want to sit and stare at you
> 
> I don't want to talk about it
> 
> And I don't want a conversation
> 
> I just want to cry in front of you
> 
> I don't want to talk about it
> 
> Cause I'm in love with you
> 
> -Fall to Pieces by Avril Lavigne
> 
> Are you guys getting bored of Avril songs yet? Be honest! And read the chapter end for shout outs and junk! :)

\--Zayn's PoV--

I'd stayed in that spot on the floor the remainder of the lunch period, crying like the freshman that I make fun of. I heard the bell ring, but I made no efforts to move. I did bother to wipe the falling tears from my face though. I may have been bisexual, but I wasn't pathetic.

I refused to make eye contact with any of the students who passed me. I heard a few snicker or whisper about what Perrie and her friends had said about me and I tried my best to make it look like I didn't care.

The truth was, I cared a lot. I probably even cared too much. I was used to being the one talking about others, not being the one being talked about.

I grabbed my phone and called Louis again. _Hi there, mate! You've reached Tomlinson! Zayn and I are probably out having a life right now. So, leave a message and..oh who gives two shits! I only check them if they're from Mum!_ I could hear my own laughter in the background of his answering message. That's what killed me. He only ever not answered his phone when he and I were hanging out usually or he was hooking up with someone. He wasn't with me and I wouldn't care if he was, but it would be a pretty dick move to go off and bone someone to forget about your own problems. Shit, what am I saying? I'd like to do the same thing right about now...

I heard a shuffling noise and saw someone sit down next to me, but I didn't look up. I didn't want their pity.

"Zaynie" the voice said after a minute or two. Zaynie? Nobody called my Zaynie but Li-

I looked over and sure enough, Liam fucking Payne was sitting next to me in the middle of the hallway.

"Do you want to walk around a bit?" he asked me. I simply nodded and we got up and walked for a while. We weren't going anywhere in particular, no destination in mind. We were just enjoying each other's company, not saying a word. We just walked through the now empty halls with our hands stuffed in our pockets.

Even in this peaceful silence, this is the closest we had been in a long time.I couldn't help but feel like this was our chance to start over...be friends again.

Then, the bell had to go and fucking ruin it.

Liam started to walk away, but stopped. He stood there with his back to me for a moment or two and I couldn't help but let my gaze fall to his arse. It was perfect. He had two small, perfect globes for asscheeks and it was as if my eyes were glued to them.

When Liam started to turn towards me, my eyes skyrocketed upwards to the sky. Could I get away with looking at my former mate's ass by pretending to gaze at the clouds?

"Zaynie?" Liam asked for the second time that day.

Apparently I could get away with it. I cleared my throat and tried to ignore the twitch I felt in my trousers when he said my childhood nickname. This was sick. I was playing sick mind games with myself. I let my gaze shift to Liam's face. Liam's perfect fucking face. Everything about him was perfect to me and I didn't understand why I'd ever turned him down in the first place all those years ago.

I loved the chocolate color of his eyes and how they would appear a shade lighter when he laughed or smiled. I loved the pink color of his lips, almost like bubble gum. I loved the way the top of his hair seemed to be like an arrow to the sky with the way he styled it now. I loved the birth mark on his neck that he scratched when he got nervous or embarrassed. I loved his smile. I love his laugh. I loved him.

Shit. I loved Liam Payne. I was hopelessly and pathetically in love with Liam Payne. . . . and I'd lost my one shot with our friendship all those years ago.

"Was what happened between us...?" Liam started. Her reached up and scratched lightly over the birth mark on his neck, just as I knew he would. He looked nervous about what he was asking, worried even. "Does your sexuality have anything to do with it?" he finished.

I couldn't help but laugh lightly. What happened between us? Why couldn't he just say that he'd kissed me and that I was a fucking idiot? I was scared. I was scared because I liked it. I was scared of what my father would think. I still am. I didn't kiss him back because I wasn't ready to face those feelings. I still wasn't, but I didn't really have a choice anymore.

I thought about it before smiling at Liam in the most friendly way possible. "No, Liam. It wasn't you."

He smiled, relieved and turned on his heel to walk away. Back to his new life. Back to his new friends. Back to Niall.

My smile faded because I had nothing to go back to anymore. Louis was mad at me. My father was going to disown me. My ex-girlfriend had outed me.

That wasn't what hurt the most though. What hurt the most was that I'd lied.

Liam had **EVERYTHING** to do with my sexuality and I'm pretty sure that despite the look of relief he'd had when I told him he didn't...that he knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are pissed that I gave you no Larry in this chapter:
> 
> Feel better? The chapter is short. You probably think I suck. I agree. I wrote the ending first and then just everything else I wrote was horrible to me and...my heart is crying because this didn't turn out how I wanted. I'm sorry. **SO** , what do you think of the story so far? Did you like this chapter or should I keep my Zayn feels to myself?
> 
> This story has 10 Kudos, 4 Bookmarks, and almost 500 reads. Thank you so much. That's crazy encouraging! You guys are fabuLOUIS! .... I really need to stop doing that.
> 
> SO KEEP IT UP! :D
> 
> xXKenzie
> 
> I want this...I want this bad. I don't need ovaries anyway..Ja feel me?


	8. Unwanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I tried to belong_
> 
> It didn't seem wrong
> 
> My head aches
> 
> It's been so long
> 
> I'll write this song
> 
> If that's what it takes
> 
> Make me go away
> 
> -Unwanted by Avril Lavigne
> 
> Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBp0BIOZDT8
> 
> You know the drill, check out the end notes!

\--Liam's PoV--

I was the one walking away from him this time. It felt good, but it also made me feel sad, maybe even a little empty inside.

I had always dreamed of a day where Zayn would tell me he was gay. I'd never expected it to become a reality and he'd never verbally admitted it to me, but when I'd asked him if I was the reason for _it_ he'd known what I meant. If it was just a rumor, he would have denied it.

I also didn't expect it to hurt as much when he said I wasn't the cause of him liking boys. I'd had a crush on him since we were lads and hadn't had the courage to tell him until the day I'd kissed him. My parents were understanding of it though.

Understanding...a term Zayn wasn't accustomed to in his family. His parents would probably disown him once they found out...

I'd realized I was gay at a boy scouts retreat (sleepover) when we were twelve years old. It was being held at my house this time, the living room floor covered in the sleeping bags of the boys in my troop.

I was going to be sleeping in my room and Mum had said I could pick one of the boys to sleep in my room on the trundle bed.

No one was surprised when I'd chosen Zayn. I hadn't even had to ask him or verbally say his name. We'd just made eye contact and nodded at each other.

Zayn and I had stayed in my bedroom until we could hear my Mum and Dad snoring, then we went back into the living room where the boys were still up.

Niall, this crazy Irish boy, had snuck in some liquor from his home. I was immediately uncomfortable and wanted to tell my parents, but Zayn had assured me everything would be alright. He said that the two of us wouldn't drink and he'd make sure I didn't get in any trouble.

Zayn was my best friend then, I trusted him with my life.

One thing led to another, and a very drunken Irish boy was declaring that we should play truth or dare. I didn't want to, but Zayn was playing so I figured it'd be okay.

I'd never considered what a bunch of pre-teen boys would want each other to do.

It was innocent at first. Have you ever kissed a girl? I dare you to try and lick your elbow. I dare you to call Eleanor and tell her that you think she's pretty.

It wasn't until Niall turned to me and asked me truth or dare that things took a turn. No, it was after that. It was when I made the mistake of answering dare that things became weird.

Niall had this look in his eyes. It was a mixture of amusement and something I could now read at my current age as lust. Now that Niall and I were good friends, I knew that when you gave him alcohol, he was a horny little bugger.

It's something I wish I knew then.

"I dare you to kiss Zayn" Niall told me.

I literally gasped. "I can't do that! Zayn's a boy!" I exclaimed, followed by the rest of the boys trying to shush me so my parents didn't wake.

We sat in silence for a bit, listening for movement upstairs.

"You're not a pussy, are you?" Niall challenged me. The boys were all looking at me expectantly.

I gulped and looked at Zayn, silently asking me if he was okay with this. He shrugged and I started to lean into him slowly.

"Oh, and it has to be for at least a minute and there has to be tongue" Josh, Niall's best friend added.

Both Zayn and I's eyes widened in shock and fear. No one else knew this, but Zayn and I had never kissed anyone before. Because of these pricks, we were going to be each other's first kiss...

A couple of the boys around us laughed and high fived Josh for his 'brilliant idea.' Zayn and I just wanted to hold him down and beat the shit out of him.

I closed my eyes and pressed my lips softly against Zayn's. I didn't want to see his look of disgust when I made impact. He'd made a sound of surprise, but had slowly pushed his lips back against mine. He leaned into me and put his hand on the back of my head, forcing my mouth deeper against his as his tongue penetrated my mouth.

I was surprised by how easily he'd grown used to our kissing. He'd just accepted it as if it were nothing. As if it were only natural for two boys to kiss in the middle of the house with all of their mates watching them do it.

I cautiously let my tongue come out to meet his and shivered when they met for the first time. I forgot all about the others watching us and just continued to kiss him to my heart's content. I never wanted it to end.

It did though, too soon. It was the sound of Josh and Niall laughing at us that broke us apart. "You have boners!!!" Josh exclaimed, practically rolling on the ground in his fit of laughter.

I felt myself blushing and my eyes welling up with tears of embarrassment. I stood quickly and ran to my room. I didn't want them to see me cry.

"So do you" I heard Zayn snap. "Don't be a prick just because you're jealous that I was the one kissing him" he snapped. I didn't know he was snapping at exactly, they were all laughing at me after all, but I heard all the laughter in the living room die just then. I was too upset to care, though.

I was lying face down on my bed when he entered and I slowly sat up, my eyes red from crying.

He sat next to me on my bed and patted me lightly on the shoulder, looking into my eyes. I knew we'd just silently agreed never to speak of it again. That didn't mean I wasn't constantly thinking about it though.

Kissing Zayn that night had made me realize that, despite the fact that girls liked me, I didn't like them back. Not only that, but that I was madly in love with my best friend.

It had taken me twelve years to realize that I loved him and it hadn't even taken me one year to fuck it up.

We had been in my bedroom. I'd been doing my Algebra homework and he'd been studying for his science test. I'd started out by talking about some of my favorite singers and he'd talk back to me in an uninterested tone, just like he always did.

I looked up at him after a few minutes. I don't think he even knew how good looking he was. I had come out to my parents not long after. I hadn't been with any women and Zayn was the only guy I had ever kissed, but it just made sense. So, I explained it all to them. I excluded making out with Zayn at the Boy Scout retreat nearly a year earlier, of course...and the alcohol.

It took my dad some getting used to, but they accepted me. I just couldn't suddenly start wearing makeup, my dad had declared. I'd told him he had nothing to worry about because I loved sports too much to do that and the idea of shaving my legs wigged me out.

I decided it was time to tell Zayn. If my parents could accept me, surely my best friend could, right?

"Zayn, I'm gay" I just declared to him, looking at him to gauge his reaction.

He didn't even look at me. "Mkay" he responded boredly and turned the page of his science book.

He wasn't even listening? Seriously!? This was important. I sighed. May as well just go for it then, right? "Zayn, can I kiss you?" I asked him and bit my lip.

He looked up at me in confusion, as if he didn't understand. I just assumed that he knew I was gay then and that he'd heard me. He slowly nodded at me and I smiled. I moved towards him and pressed my lips to his again, for the first time in almost a year. I'd missed this feeling. I didn't force my tongue down his throat or anything, just parted his lips softly with my own. Then he kissed me back, and I thought I would die happy.

It was cut short, though when his lips halted and he ripped his mouth away from mine only seconds after. He looked disgusted and I still wanted to die, but now I wanted to die from shame. "What was that for!?" he snapped at me, glaring.

I winced at his harsh words and my cheeks flushed. I couldn't look at him. I had to look anywhere but him. I thought I was going to be sick. I'd kissed him, he'd kissed me back, and then he'd blatantly denied me...like I was scum. For some reason though, I wasn't shocked by his reaction. This is what I'd expected from him. I'd just hoped that as my best friend, he'd be more understanding of my sexuality. I shouldn't have kissed him. I shouldn't have done anything. I sighed and shook my head. I wouldn't cry....

"I think you should leave now, Zayn" I finally said softly, still unable to look at him.

I figured he'd argue, put up some kind of fight. Zayn was a right stubborn prick and he was almost always getting his way. He didn't fight me on it though. He just stood, shoved his book in his bag, and walked out.

I waited until I heard my front door slam shut to allow myself to break down and cry for the loss of my best friend.

Today was the first day we'd spoken since that day.

I could still Zayn watching me as I walked away and I saw Niall exit the school looking for me. He thought I was over him and he was gay. He wasn't gay because of me though. He still didn't want me.

It was time to move on, or at the very least to make him think I did.

I grabbed Niall's face in my hands and pressed my mouth roughly against his. I opened my eyes and looked at Zayn as I held my mouth to my very straight best friend's mouth.

Zayn looked hurt, wounded even. Good. Zayn, my Zaynie, turned and walked away from the scene I'd just caused and I pulled away from Niall.

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm straight!?" Niall hissed at me, but I could tell he was more confused than pissed at me.

"I need a favor" I responded simply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I'm a big lying liar pants! I promised Larry this chapter and I didn't deliver! *hides* Please don't eat me! I changed my mind last minute and worked this up due to some questions about Liam's sexuality. So, yay for me answering questions?
> 
> Thanks to all of you for being loyal readers. I love you! Keep sending kudos! Keep reading ! Keep commenting!
> 
> BOOKMARK THIS BITCH! *ahem*
> 
> XxKenzie


	9. Nobody's Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If you're trying to turn me into someone else_
> 
>  
> 
> It's easy to see, I'm not down with that
> 
> I'm not nobody's fool
> 
> If you're trying to turn me into something else
> 
> I've seen enough and I'm over that
> 
> I'm not nobody's fool
> 
> If you wanna bring me down
> 
> Go ahead and try
> 
> Go ahead and try
> 
> -Nobody's Fool by Avril Lavigne
> 
>  
> 
> Check out the end notes!!

**\--Harry's PoV--**

"Let me get this straight. You two are going to pretend to date in order to make Zayn jealous? Liam, you've become my mate and I'm just not sure you're thinking smart" I told the boys with a questioning gaze.

I'd called Niall when I got home from Lou's telling them I had news. Little did I know they'd had news of their own.

Niall is very straight, or at least that's what he claims. So, I was obviously a bit surprised when Liam and Niall sat me down and told me that the two of them were going to fate. Fate being fake date as Liam had so appropriately called it.

Liam had told me all about his being in love with Zayn Malik. So, I understood why he would want to make him jealous, but was pretending to date Niall Horan really the way to go here?

I decided to drop it though. If Niall was okay with it, it was my job as their friend to be as supportive as I could be in this crazy situation.

"So, what was your news, Haz?" Liam asked me suddenly.

Oh, right. With everything they'd just shared with me, I'd forgotten about my own news that I had to share with them. I ran my fingers through my mop of curls and took a deep breath. I'd just say it. It would be like ripping off a band aid. "I'm gay" I spoke up. I looked back and forth between them, chewing my bottom lip.

Niall and Liam looked at each other for a moment. Then they burst out laughing when they looked at me. I didn't understand why they were laughing. This wasn't meant to be seen as a joke. I wasn't around strictly for their amusement.

It took them quite a few minutes to calm down and I'd fidgeted uncomfortably the entire time. The last time I had come out to a friend, he'd tried to beat the gay out of me. I'm here now, and I'm still gay, so it obviously hadn't worked for him or me.

_My best mate, Ed, and I were at my house. Mum was still at work and Gemma, my older sister, had gone to the mall. I relished in the quiet usually. Mum wasn't yelling at me to clean my room or to do better in school. Gemma wasn't giggling with one of of her friends or holding up the phone line to talk about her flavor of the month, or boyfriends as some would call them._

This time, home alone on a Saturday, I chose to call Ed. Ed Sheeran was my sister's age, a year three to my year one.

I'd called him up and asked him to come over and hang out with me. Luckily, Ed was free ninety percent of the time.

Now, here we were, playing fifa on the sofa in my living room. This was a good way to distract my mind from how I was going to tell Ed what I was. And by what I was, I meant being sexually attracted to other males.

Ed threw his controller onto the ground in frustration. "Fuck, Harry! How can you be so good at football when we play it on the video games, but so damn terrible at it in real life!?"

We both started laughing, amused by this situation. It was true. I was bloody terrible at football. I knew almost everything there was to know about it, but I just wasn't coordinated enough to play it. Every time I tried, I ended up in a cast.

However, if you put a remote controller in my hand, I was a new man. I was better than Beckham. Okay, not better, as good as.

We finally calmed down, and my smile fell from my face. I was nervous. "Ed, I....k-kind of like boys" I said slowly. I chewed on my bottom lip as I watched his face change, gauging his emotions for how I should react to him.

I watched as his usually bright blue eyes darkened and he shook his head at my words. Then, he laughed softly. "Very funny, Styles" he responded.

"I wish I was joking, Sheeran, but I'm not" I said sadly. I wanted so badly for him to accept me for this. He was my best friend and I needed him to be understanding towards it. I needed him to be my best friend in this and accept me for who I was.

"You're telling me that the guy claiming to be my best friend is a fag?!" he snarled. My only response was to nod in shame.

Ed stood up and began to pace, running his hands in his hair in frustration. He let out a yell, I could tell that my words had hurt him, like he thought he was to blame for my homosexuality somehow. Like, he could have saved me or something.

He grabbed his green hoodie, suddenly and zipped it around him. "I'm sorry, Harry. I can't deal with this" he said and left. I thought he'd meant he couldn't deal with it **right now** , not that he couldn't deal with it,period.

If I had known that, I probably wouldn't have approached Ed in teh hall that Monday morning, let alone go to school at all. "Hey Ed" I yawned tiredly and rubbed my eyes in hopes of suddenly awakening myself.

When I removed my hands from my face I was welcomed by Ed's fist colliding with my jaw. This was followed by a second punch to my gut. Many more punches were thrown, but I blocked them out. I couldn't block out the emotional pain though.Who would've thought that my best friend would become my bully?

I grunted in agony and slid to the floor. My eyes had been locked with Ed's for every punch he'd thrown. I'd wanted him to see my pain while he did it. I wanted the pain on my face to be permanently etched into his mind. I wanted him to have nightmares about what he'd done. He stood over me, with a look I didn't recognize. "Later, fag" he'd said in a voice that didn't match his eyes. His eyes sad and guilty, but his voice was dripping with venom. I watched him walk away from me for the last time.

Liam suddenly stopped laughing. "Harry, please don't look so upset. We're not laughing to be judgemental. We'ere laughing because we already knew. We'd kind of guessed."

"Yeah, you were checking me out in the locker room!" Niall was still cracking up, clutching his stomach and hunching over.

I nodded. I supposed that made sense. Then, I shrugged. Of course I'd checked Niall out. He'd been naked and it's not like he's ugly.

"My sexuality isn't my only news, though. When Louis Tomlinson ran off today, I went after him. We ended up at his house and we talked for a while and then we ended up making out. We talked and neither one of us really wants a relationship right now, but we also agreed that we like each other. I'm not sure what this makes us, him and I, but we're going to see if he's what I want and vice versa. I'm only telling the two of you some, keep it to yourselves, yeah?" I rambled. It was only after I'd finally gotten all of that out of my system, that I made the smart decision to shut the hell up.

"Did you guys fuck?" Niall asked rudely as he chomped, open-mouthed on his sandwich.

Liam whacked Niall lightly, "First, chew with your mouth closed, you're being uncivilized. Second, you don't just ask questions like that. Harry's personal life is just that. Personal. When and if he wants to tell us, he will."

I was blushing a deep shade of red. Well, if I was confessing everything, I might as well tell them. "I'm a virgin" I admitted with a sigh, unable to make eye contacts.

Niall was choking on his sandwich and Liam looked shocked as well. Then, Liam smiled. "Really?" he asked me, to which I nodded. "Well, good on ya, mate! I wish I'd have waited."

I smiled big then and opened my mouth to speak. I was interrupted by my phone ringing.

 _I used to roll the dice_  
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes  
Listen as the crowd would sing  
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

I frowned at my phone. I didn't recognize the number. I slowly lifted it to my ear. "Hello?" I asked in confusion. Who could be calling me besides my Mum, Gemma, Liam, or Niall? I knew it wasn't them because I had all of their numbers and two of them were with me currently.

"Hey, it's Louis. Louis Tomlinson? From earlier? Can you meet up?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it's a little filler-y! I'm so sorry!!! I hope you still like it and that it answered some questions for you!
> 
> I hope you all like it! Let me know what you all think!!!
> 
> xxKenzie


	10. Basket Case

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Do you have the time to listen to me whine_
> 
>  
> 
> About nothing and everything all at once
> 
> I am one of those melodramatic fools
> 
> Neurotic to the bone
> 
> No doubt about it
> 
> Sometimes I give myself the creeps
> 
> Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
> 
> It all keeps adding up
> 
> I think I'm cracking up
> 
> Am I just paranoid?
> 
> Am I just stoned?
> 
> -Basket Case by Green Day (Also covered by Avril Lavigne)
> 
>  
> 
> Please read end notes!

**\--Louis's PoV--**

The door bell rang not even ten minutes after Harry Styles had left my house to hang out with Liam Payne and Niall Horan. My initial thought when I heard the door bell was that Harry decided he'd rather spend time with me and had returned.

I leaped off the sofa and ran to the door. "I thought you'd be back, but I didn't realize it would be so soon" I replied cheekily when I yanked open my front door, complete with cheesy grin.

My smile faltered, however, when I saw that it wasn't Harry at the door. It was Zayn Malik. His eyes were red like he'd been crying all day and his usually perfect gelled hair was a mess from him raking his fingers through it, a habit he always acted on when stressed.

I had him wrapped in a hug before he could even open his mouth to speak. "Can I come in?" he asked me.

I didn't bother to respond. His question was a stupid one and he should know the damn answer, no matter what happened today. I dragged him into the kitchen. He plopped down onto one of the kitchen chairs while I made a pot of tea. Once finished, I offered him a teacup. He accepted it with a sad smile. Looking at him was breaking my heart a little. He looked completely worn down and I knew I was partially to blame. The way I'd run off on him had been rude and juvenile. He'd been honest with me and I'd repayed him with a punch in the fucking jaw and then ran off like a little bitch. Sure, he could have kept the bits about my sexuality to himself when he came out to Perrie, but if he had, Harry and I wouldn't have just spent the last hour kissing.

"Let me start first, Zayn" I announced. "I'm really sorry for hitting you and running off on ya earlier. I overreacted. It was a right bitch move" I said as I finally sat down across from him at the kitchen table. I looked him into his eyes, wanting him to know how truly apologetic I was. I didn't want him to the that I wasn't being sincere.

Zayn visibly relaxed a little, but the fact that my words hadn't put him more at ease proved to me that our spat wasn't the only thing on his mind. He shook his head. "You did exactly what I would have done if the tables had been turned. I had no right to mention your name in this. I got flustered when Perrie starting asking me questions about how I could possibly be sexually interested in men" he sighed. I noticed how he wouldn't come out and say he was gay or bisexual though. He was still having troubles coming to terms with it. "Instead of coming up with an intelligent or believable lie, I was honest with her" he added, sounding disgusted with himself. He lowered his head and gazed into his steaming mug of hot tea.

I couldn't help it, I chuckled a little. "It's probably for the best, Zayn. You've always been a shit liar" I reminded him with a small shrug of my own and a smile. "Now, let's talk about what's really bothering you."

Zayn sighed and told me everything. He told me about Niall daring Liam to kiss him at a slumber party all those years ago, years before I moved here. He told me about Liam kissing him again nearly a year later and telling him he was gay and pretty much announcing that he liked Zayn as more than a friend, with his mouth. He told me about how he'd panicked and ran off, even after kissing Liam back. Told me about how he'd gotten scared because of his gay hating father. He told me about everything all the way up until he watched Liam grab Niall and kiss him today after I left before he'd ran off to come find me.

I sighed. Talk about a shit day. Malik was having the shittiest of ones. I moved my chair over to his and wrapped my arms around my best mate. I wanted to tell him about Harry and I, whatever we were, but I just didn't think now was the right time given the state he was in.

We just stayed like that for a while before he finally moved away from my hug. "Now, tell me why you had that shit eating grin on your face and who you thought was at the door earlier."

So, much for me not making him feel worse. "Well, after I let you earlier, I ran home. Turned out that someone else from school followed me" I said.

Zayn raised his eyebrow and gave me a look that clearly meant I was to continue.

"It was Harry Styles" I added.

Zayn smirked and nodded, as if already understanding.

"We got to talking and one thing led to another. We ended up playing tonsil hockey for quite a while. I went to take it further and he told me he was a virgin" I added, waiting until he'd taken a sip of his tea to say that last bit. I tried my best not to laugh when he ended up sputtering it out.

"I don't know what we are" I said, answering his silent question that the crazed look in his eye was asking me. "We're more than friends, but we're not dating. We're figuring it out as we go along, I guess" I shrugged.

Zayn shook his head. "You're a fucking idiot. You don't just let a guy leave, or leave yourself, after making out with the guy you like. They end up moving on to some blonde Irish with braces" he grumbled and I rolled my eyes. "You like this kid, whether you're willing to really admit it to him or not. I think you need to call him up and the two of you need to spend more time getting to know each other or you're going to miss out on him."

I just stared at him, open-mouthed.

Zayn stood. "Thanks for listening to me bitch. I'ma head home and figure out what I'm going to do about Liam. I suggest you do the same."

"I don't even like Liam!" I wailed.

Zayn smirked and flipped me off as he exited my kitchen and then my home. I watched him go before staring down at my own tea.

Zayn was right. I didn't want to look back on it a few years from now and wonder why I never gave Harry a fair chance.

I grabbed my phone and dialed, waiting until I heard his sexy deep voice to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was meant to be way longer than this, but I'm sick and my head hurts so bad I just can't sit up to write anymore. Please don't hate me. I'll update again as soon as possible.
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=14qp2w)  
> 
> 
> Awww! Such good friends!
> 
> Keep reading and commenting! I love you!
> 
> xxKenzie


	11. I Always Get What I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _It's not too lovely_
> 
> It could start to get ugly
> 
> It really bugs me
> 
> If I don't get my way
> 
> Get me what I want
> 
> Everything I don't got
> 
> Get me what I want
> 
> Cause I'm a big shot
> 
> So give me what I want
> 
> I always get what I want
> 
> Don't want to see me when I don't get what I want
> 
> It's not what you want
> 
> -I Always Get What I Want by Avril Lavigne
> 
> Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSqLK92BNI8
> 
> Hey guys! Long time no see!

**\--Louis's PoV--**

Harry and I ended up meeting at the city park, right next to the skate park I spent most of my time at. I had chosen this place for multiple reasons. My need to hold off from jumping him being one of the biggest reasons. I wasn't ready for a serious relationship right now, but I was willing to work my way towards one if that was the way to keep him.

I was sitting on a park bench by myself. Luckily, the park was mostly empty or I'd look a bit like a pedophile. I mean, I obviously wasn't old enough to have children this age and I was just sitting by myself at a children's park? That's not weird _at all_.

I heard someone call my name and I smiled when I saw Harry approaching me. I stood, my hands still in my pockets. He was smiling back at me and closing the space between us. Soon, he was standing right in front of me. I opened my mouth to speak, but was immediately silenced by his mouth on my own. So much for us being in public getting me to be have. I kissed him back, my hands going to the back of his neck and in his hair.

We kept kissing for a few minutes before I finally remembered why I'd wanted to see him. As much as kissing had played a small part in it, Harry and I had things to discuss.

I pushed Harry away from me gently and smiled at him. I smiled even wider when he gave me that seductive pout that made me want to jump him then and there.

I tugged Harry back over to the bench, ignoring the glare of a single mother with her two small children. I wasn't going to deal with the negativity of others today. Not again.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Harry asked me as he turned to face me on the bench. He ran a hand through his curls and smiled, those dimples making themselves apparent to me.

"I really want to get to know you better, Harry. I want us to be together, butt I'm scared. The last serious relationship I was in was with a woman. I was outed for my sexuality today."

Harry silenced me with his mouth on mine again. Just when I was about to kiss back, he pulled away. "The last thing I want to do is rush you, Louis. I've never even been in a relationship before. Before today, I'd only told one person I was into guys and he beat the shit out of me for it" Harry told me.

I winced at his words. The last thing I wanted to picture was someone wailing on my Harry. I pulled him into my lap and kissed him again. My mouth rough on his. I wanted to kiss his troubles away. I wanted to fix every wrong that he'd ever been through.

Harry was straddling me, grinding against me a little, mostly unknowingly I was sure. His hands moved down my chest as he moved against me

We were in the middle of the damn park!

I heard a throat clear, but I ignored it.

"Louis?" I heard a feminine voice ask.

Okay. There was no ignoring that twice, as much as Harry may have been trying for both of our sakes. I slowly pushed him away and sat him next to me on the bench. "What the fuck do you want?" I asked.

That's when I made the mistake of looking up at the person talking to me. The voice was female. She had tan skin and long curly brown hair. She had a cute button nose. She was wearing a cheerleading uniform. She bit her bottom lip like she had in front of me thousands of times before as her soft brown eyes locked with my bright blue ones.

"Eleanor, what do you want?" I asked, my hand still holding firmly to Harry's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so short. I know. I've got the writer's block from hell on this story. It's just getting worse and worse. So, what are my lovelies thinking? Is this chapter alright? I'm not going to call this next step a hiatus, but I am not going to update again until inspiration hits. I'm sorry for my readers and I hope I'm not disappointing you. I hope you all understand I'll update this story again as soon as I can.
> 
> xxKenzie


	12. Breathe Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Help, I have done it again_
> 
> I have been here many times before
> 
> Hurt myself again today
> 
> And the worst part is, there's no one else to blame
> 
> Be my friend, hold me
> 
> Wrap me up, unfold me
> 
> I am small, and needy
> 
> Warm me up, and breathe me
> 
> -Breathe Me by Sia
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> please read end notes...
> 
> **Warning: Self Harm in the following chapter**

**\--Louis's PoV--**

When I had brought Harry to the park to talk to him about where we were going to take this, whether it be a relationship or friends with benefits, I hadn't even contemplated Eleanor. She lived right by the park. It had completely slipped my mind. Now, she was staring at me as I held Harry's hand in mine. I'd already been outed today and now by association I'd just outed Harry to my ex-girlfriend.

"What do you want, Eleanor?" I asked her for the second time. My jaw was set and Harry was tense beside me. I glanced at him. He resembled a small animal that wanted to bolt. I tightened my hand on his a littl bit, reassuringly, I hoped.

Eleanor tucked a curl behind her ear and looked between the two of us. "Can I talk to you for a moment, Louis? Alone?" she asked me.

I looked at Harry for a moment before nodding. Her and I really did need to clear the air, especially now that she knew about the truth behind my sexuality. If I wanted to have a future with Harry, or any male or female for that matter, I needed to close the door to my past. That's what Eleanor was, she was my past. "I'll be right back, okay?" I said before kissing him lightly on the mouth.

He'd started to kiss me back, but had stopped. He was tense as a rock still. Was that jealous I detected? Well, it was no secret that Eleanor was my ex-girlfriend. I kissed him again, a little harder, trying to reassure him. He kissed me back this time. I pulled away with a small smile and removed my hand from his, using the same hand to flick him on the nose lightly. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'll be right back, I promise" I said. I had to make it quick. Harry and I were in that fragile in between state and I couldn't afford to let Eleanor ruin it if at all possible.

Eleanor turned on her heel and started to walk us over by the swing sets, my back was to Harry as she turned to face me. I crossed my arms over my chest. "Eleanor, what could you possibly need to talk to me about? You dumped me and I've obviously moved on" I said honestly, my tone one of annoyance.

Eleanor blanched at my tone. She was used to boys falling at her feet rather than making it clear to get her point across before they walked away from her for good, I guess. "That's just it, Louis. You've moved on and I don't understand it, especially now that I know what a mistake it was to dump you in the first place. I miss you, I miss us" she said and moved closer to me.

"Eleanor" I sighed. "You and I were together for a long time. You chose to end it with me and I accepted that. You chose to date a football player that would treat you like dirt and cheat on you with every girl in the school. You should accept that. You should also accept that I wasn't going to sit around and wait for you to change your mind and come back to me." I knew I was being rude, but I truly didn't care at this point.

"But Louis, you moved on from me with a boy! You were so heartbroken from our breakup that I turned you gay!" Eleanor wailed.

I honestly couldn't help it, I laughed. Typical, El. She'd taken something that had absolutely nothing to do with her and had made it about her. I was so heartbroken over her dumping me for a jock that I had gone gay? What did she think I couldn't look at a vagina without being reminded of all the awkward sex her and I had had?

I shook my head at her. "First of all, I'm not gay, Eleanor. I'm bisexual. I always have been. Including our entire relationship. I'm into males and females."

The way Eleanor's eyes lit up immediately told me that I had made a mistake in informing her of this fact. She pressed her body to mine and her hand slid down my chest. "So, you're still sexually attracted to me?" she purred before closing her hand around my manhood on the outside of my trousers.

I closed my eyes tightly as I hardened a bit. Fucking skinny jeans. I am but a man and this was incredibly unfair. I slowly released the breath I was holding and pushed Eleanor away, gently but firmly. "I'm sexually attracted to males and females, Ellie. But I'm no longer attracted to you. Go find yourself a new play thing" I snapped and turned to go back to Harry.

I stopped in my tracks. The bench was empty and so was the park. Harry had left me here.

**\--Harry's PoV--**

Well, that answered that question. All it had taken was for the hot brunette cheerleader with the curly hair and the pouty lips to press her breasts against his chest and he was hers again. I knew when I let him walk away with her a few minutes ago that he was probably walking away from me for the last time, but there was this part of me that told me that I had to give him a chance to prove me wrong. Fat lot of good that had done. Now, I was going to be alone again.

I rose from the bench. I couldn't just stay here and watch them. It was only a matter of time before they started playing tonsil hockey and I couldn't deal with that shit right now. I was honestly fucking emotionally vulnerable right now.  
br>

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and made my way home. I should have called Liam or Niall. They would bitch with me about what a twat Louis was and then help me do my best to get over him and get on with my life. Nope, I went home to be by myself. I went home to wallow in self pity.

I closed the door behind me and went up to the bathroom connected to my bedroom. I stared at myself in the mirror, taking note of each and every flaw. My hair was too curly and too big. It was on the verge of becoming the white man's afro. My eyes were green, no one wanted green eyes. My lips were too full. I had Angelina Jolie's mouth attached to my face and that wasn't appealing on a guy. It went on like this for a good thirty minutes. Just me, arguing about myself. What was a flaw and what was a decent attribute.

That's when I thought of it. I started digging through the drawers until I found what I was searching for. I wasn't able to calm down until I'd found the shiny new razor blade. It had been months since I'd done this, or even thought about it. I thought everything was going to be okay once I met Liam and Niall. I was wrong.

I lowered the metal and relished in the feeling of the cool metal on my warm flesh before slicing across my wrist. I didn't want to kill myself, I just wanted to feel pain. I deserved it. I was stupid to think that Louis would want anything to do with me. I kept cutting, watching the blood trickle into the sink.

I don't know how long I continued to slice at my wrists, but I know I kept going until my fingers felt so numb that the razor blade fell from my fingers. I stared in awe at my bloody wrists and I backed away from the sink. I did this to myself. Why would I do this to myself again?! The last scars had just fucking healed! What the hell was I thinking! I was better! I let out a scream. I was hurt, physically and emotionally. I was disappointed in Louis and I was disappointed in myself.

I slid down the bathroom wall as my eyes closed, I was feeling really dizzy and couldn't sit up anymore. I decided then to just let the darkness take me.

The last thing I remember is hearing Louis's voice in my ear and feeling his arms wrap tight around me.

What a nice dream....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad Harry makes me a sad Kenzie! :( And please don't eat me. This isn't how I planned to take the chapter when I started...
> 
> It's not an Avril Lavigne song! Holy Buttfuck Batman! Sorry, I deemed it necessary at the time. I've had questions before about the songs or had comments made about maybe I'd be more inspired if the song wasn't the base of the chapter. It's actually not. I choose the song after writing the chapter, unless it's a song that inspired me to write the chapter in the first place.
> 
> Thank you guys for being so patient with me. I don't think my writer's block is completely dead with this story, but I'm making progress, I think? I don't know. You tell me! Haha.
> 
> I appreciate each and every one of you for reading and sticking with me!
> 
> xxKenzie


	13. Apologize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm holdin' on your rope_
> 
> Got me ten feet off the ground
> 
> And I'm hearin' what you say
> 
> But I just can't make a sound
> 
> You tell me that you need me
> 
> Then you go and cut me down
> 
> But Wait.
> 
> You tell me that you're sorry
> 
> Didn't think I'd turn around!
> 
> -Apologize by One Republic
> 
> Please also read my new fic, By Your Bedside  
> 

**\--Liam's PoV--**

Today had been the suckiest in all sucky days.

My former best friend, Zayn Malik, had been outed as being a homosexual. That should be good news, considering I'd had a crush on him all throughout Middle School. Nope. When I asked Zayn about it, he had confirmed that he was gay, but he'd said it had nothing to do with me.

When you find out that the guy you're madly in love with is gay, the first thing you want to do is jump in their arms and kiss them passionately. I couldn't do that with Zayn.

I'd kissed him once before and been denied, horribly. It had ruined our entire friendship. The last thing I wanted to do was let him hurt me again. I don't want him to know that he has the power to break my heart and that he'd already done it once before.

Then, I idiotically kissed one of my two best mates. And of course, it had been the straight one. I'd chased after Zayn when he'd ran off and we'd gotten to talking. I'd just been so hurt by the fact that, I'd wanted to find a way to hurt somehow. I mean, it was one thing for him to deny me when he was 'straight,' but now he was gay. I was in his league now. Yet, he still didn't want me the way I wanted him. It was really all too much. So, I'd run into the arms of my straight best friend and had planted a kiss upon his lips.

I'll be honest, I was confused when he kiss back. I still am confused that Niall kissed me back. He was probably just playing along though. Niall knows I wouldn't kiss him for no good reason and he also knows how badly Zayn hurt me.

Later on, I'd talked to Niall about it and he had eventually and begrudgingly agreed to pretend to be my boyfriend when we were at school. Most people assumed we were dating anyway. Niall was quite the cuddler.

I'd promised to keep the PDA to a minimum, but there were really no promises when Zayn was around and we both knew it. Anytime Zayn was near me, I got a little crazy. I wanted him to hurt like I hurt. I wanted him to see me with someone else and die a little inside just like I had everyday that he'd been with Perrie and all his girlfriends that came before her.

Niall was just being a good friend to me by doing this for me. The only way for me to ever get over Zayn Malik was to move on and maybe pretending to be with Niall would help with that somehow.

I don't know. Nothing makes sense anymore. Harry's reaction to Niall and I's "fating" had been enough for me to question it. I understood his concerns. Niall was straight and I was gay. I was madly in love with Zayn and I was using Niall as a means to make Zayn jealous.

When Harry told me about him and Louis though, I knew there was no backing out. If Harry and Louis got together, I'd be seeing even more of Zayn than I was as it is! Niall was my safety net. No matter what happened, he always caught me when I fell. He had been there for me when Zayn left me, a sobbing mess in my bed, all those years ago. I needed him now more than ever.

Now, here I was at home, lying in my bed, questioning every decision I had ever made since that day.

Why had I kissed Zayn?

Why had I asked him to leave?

Why had he listened and left me?

Why couldn't we go back to being just friends afterwards?

Why had I let my emotions get in the way?

Why had I cried almost every night since then?

Why had I kissed Niall?

Why was I doing this to myself?

I let out a frustrated yell and threw my pillow across the room. That was enough! This was all too fucking much!

My phone rang just then. I picked it up and looked at the screen, but I didn't recognize the number. My first thought was that it was Zayn. I'd deleted his phone number when I'd made the decision that he and I couldn't be friends anymore.

I answered without a second thought. "Hello, Liam speaking" I said, trying to keep my voice calm, cool and collected.

"Hi, Liam? This is Louis Tomlinson" I heard a panicked voice on the other end. I could tell he was outside by the way the wind blew into the phone.

I tried not to sound too disappointed that it wasn't his best mate calling me. "Hey, Louis. What do you want?" I asked, staring out the window.

"Do you happen to have Harry's address? I really need to talk to him. I called him a few times, but he isn't answering his phone" Louis told me.

Now I was _really_ confused. "Um, shouldn't he already be with you? He'd left Niall and I to go see you" I questioned.

"Err..he was, but we spent the entire time making out and I completely forgot that we actually needed to work on our project for science" Louis told me.

I had this strange feeling that he was lying, but I honestly just didn't want to deal with it right now. "Yeah, his address is 6 Ginger Trail. It's the house with the blue shutters" I finally sighed.

"Thank you so much, Liam! I owe you one" Louis squealed, sounding relieved.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Bye, Louis" I said and hung up.

I sat, staring at my phone for a few minutes before deciding to try Harry myself, at least let him know that Louis was on his way to his house.

"Hi, you've reached Harry. I can't come to the phone right now so please leave a message and I'll try to get back to you" an automated Harry voice told me. Then there was a beep.

"Hey, Harry. It's Liam. I just wanted to let you know that Louis called me asking for your address and I gave it to him. Hope you're alright. Give me a call back, yeah?" I asked him before hanging up the phone.

I laid back on my bed again and stared at the ceiling. What the hell was going on right now? Louis and Harry. Me and Zayn. Me and Niall. This was all just getting really weird, really fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know on a scale of one to ten on how pissed you guys are at me, we're at at least an eleven. I know you guys want an immediate resolution for little Haz and Louis, but I'm sorry. I had to at least explain how Louis found Harry's house first!!! Let's be realistic, here! Louis can't poof places! He can try to be Superman all he wants, but it's not reality. :)
> 
> I knew the last chapter was going to be hard to stomach for some of you. I'm sorry it had to be this way, but when the inspiration comes, you just got to follow it. Even if it takes you into some dark, twisted places.
> 
> I love you all so much. Thank you for being such great readers and thank you to those of you that are becoming such great friends.
> 
> I couldn't have asked for anything better to come from this.
> 
> Now, I'm gonna go before this gets real sappy...
> 
> xxKenzie


	14. Kiss Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Settle down with me_
> 
> And I'll be your safety
> 
> You'll be my lady(baby in this case? ;))
> 
> I was made to keep your body warm
> 
> But I'm cold as the wind blows, so hold me in your arms
> 
> My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed in my neck
> 
> I'm falling in your eyes, but they don't know me yet
> 
> -Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran
> 
> This should be a Harry Gif since it's in Haz's pov, but this is just too cute! :/

**\--Harry's PoV--**

I woke up to multiple different beeping sounds. They were the most annoying sounds that I'd ever heard. It was almost as bad as being enclosed in a car with a buzzing bee or fly. You're continuously opening the car window in hopes that it will flee, but it doesn't. And then, you're driving for four hours with this never ending sound and you can't catch it to kill it...or you have an older sister who refuses to let you kill it because it's a living creature and deserves to live just as much as you do...fucking Gemma.

I felt like there were bricks on my eyelids, holding them shut. It felt like it took me forever to get them open. The beeping had caused me to suspect where I was, but the pale ugly colors on the wall, the tv mounted near the ceiling, and the little railings on either side of me in the bed confirmed it.

It had been at least a year since I'd been hospitalized for a stunt like this. They said that they almost hadn't gotten to me in time last time. My mom had sobbed for hours and held me, rocking me back and forth. I'd cried with her. Gemma had yelled at me the whole car ride back home. She'd driven down from Uni just to make sure I was okay. And once she'd realized I was, that's when the screaming had began.

I'd promised them both that I would never cut myself again, no matter how great the pain was. One day with Louis Tomlinson and I'd broken that promise. There was a large part of me that knew I had overreacted. How could I try to off myself over a boy talking to his ex girlfriend? That was ridiculous, immature, and incredibly childish of me. I was really and truly ashamed of myself.

I could only imagine how disappointed Mum and Gemma would be in me.

I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them. I wanted to die all over again. Not because of Louis, but because of what I huge disappointment I continued to be. I didn't know what else to do at this point. So, I cried.

I don't know how long I'd cried before I felt arms wrap around me. They were too muscular to be female which immediately eliminated Mum and Gemma. They were too thin to be Liam's. I looked at the arms wrapped around me. They weren't pale enough to be Niall's. That left one person.

I slowly lifted my tear-filled eyes to the face of the man holding me. His bright blue eyes met mine. His normally mischievous and excited, even a little playful, eyes were now a little darker with worry and sadness. Had I caused this in him?

I slowly wrapped my arms around him and pulled him with me on the bed, only wincing a little bit with my bandaged arms.

We stayed like that for a long time. Both of us just crying softly and holding each other. We were both so overwhelmed by today's events that we couldn't speak, but I knew the storm was coming.

It had been probably an hour of silence between us when Louis spoke to me for the first time since he'd left me on that park bench.

"Don't you ever fucking do that to me again, Harry Styles" Louis practically growled at me. The intensity of his tone caught me off guard and I released him in surprise.

Louis stood up and started to pace right there next to the bed, running his fingers through his hair the entire time. "I was so fucking worried when I turned around and you were gone! You can't just run off on me like that. I even called Liam to find out your address since you never even bloody well told me it! I'd had a lot of scary things in my head when I came to your house and saw the door open, but when I went up those stairs, you bleeding on the bathroom floor was the last thing that I'd imagined! What in the hell would possess you to do that!?" He was practically screaming now, and I winced at his words.

"You" I said, so softly that I barely heard my own voice. I opened my mouth again, thinking I needed to repeat myself. When I looked up and saw the defeated and guilty look on his face, though, I knew there was no need. He understood perfectly what I'd said.

He sat down on the bed next to me. "Is this about Eleanor talking to me?" he asked me after a moment of silence where he had just stared at me.

I looked down at my hands. "She was rubbing all over you, Lou. I can handle a lot of things, but I couldn't watch the guy I liked get a hand job with his ex right after he had his tongue in my mouth" I snapped.

I saw Louis nod out of the corner of my eyes. "Well, unfortunately for you, you didn't stay long enough to see me push her away. My body did try to betray me, I won't lie and tell you it didn't. But I didn't let her finish what she attempted to start. It's not her that I want, Haz. She had her shot" he said and took my hand in his. He gave it a little squeeze and I couldn't help but give in to him then. It was impossible to stay mad at him.

I fell against him then, and he fell back against the hospital pillows with me on top of him, my head on his chest. "You can't do things like this to me, Harry. I may come off as a badass, but I'm actually pretty damn sensitive. I was raised by my mom and I have five half sisters named Charlotte, Felicite, Daisy, Pheobe, and Georgia. Georgia lives with my dad and I don't see her much, but she's still my sister. So, anyway, I'm more sensitive than your average bloke. Even if I don't act like it. Go easy on me, okay?" Louis asked me, looking into my eyes again and biting his lower lip.

I had to nod. He looked so vulnerable in his current state, both physically and emotionally. He looked emotionally vulnerable because I had just caused him to feel things he wasn't ready to feel, especially not with me, a boy he'd only known about a week and had already gotten to intimately know my mouth among a few other things.

This only made me more interested in his current physical vulnerabilities, but this was an inappropriate time to act on any sexual desires. Nothing turns a potential boyfriend off more than a recent attempt at offing yourself.

I make a joke about it, but that's the honest to God truth.

I slowly and softly pressed my lips to his. I wanted to wipe away all of his troubles, especially the ones I'd caused.

He gave me a kiss or two back, just as softly. I had to pull away before I got lost in it. "Does that mean you'll still give me a chance?" I asked him nervously.

Louis closed his eyes for a moment, trying to recover from the kisses or think about it, I'm not sure. "Yes, Harry. I'm still willing to explore our mutual feelings for each otehr, but no more of this shit. Unless, you broke a bone playing footie or riding a skateboard or something...or you're donating blood, I don't want anymore hospital visits."

I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of me on a skateboard. That was never gonna freaking happen. I kissed him again.

Our kiss almost immediately started to get heated, my hands tangling into his hair and my tongue teasing his. Looks like he could recover from that and get hot still after all. At least, that's what the start of an erection was telling me as we continued to assault each others' mouths.

"Harry are you okay!?" a voice yelled as footsteps entered the room. "Um, the hell is going on in here!?" another voice then raged immediately after.

I quickly rolled off of Louis and turned to face the intruders. I was once again regretting my earlier decision during the bathroom fiasco when I saw both my mother and older sister standing in the doorway, both with questions awaiting answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I suck. I know. I did something really awful in this story and then I just disappeared on you guys. I have a valid reason, but I still suck for doing it.
> 
> My grandmother had a stroke. She was in the hospital. I was the one taking care of her until we could find her a night caregiver. Now take that, and add on my college finals and my job. Yep, not stressed at all.
> 
> Anyway, I'm back now, and I'm going to try and get back in my writing routine again.
> 
> Thanks to all of you who have read, left kudos, commented on, and bookmarked this story! 
> 
> I love you all!
> 
> xxKenzie


	15. I'm Just a Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare_
> 
>  
> 
> I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair
> 
> Nobody cares cause I'm all alone
> 
> And the world is having more fun than me, tonight
> 
> And maybe when the night is dead
> 
> I'll crawl into my bed
> 
> I'm staring at these four walls again
> 
> I'll try to think about the last time
> 
> I had a good time
> 
> Everyone's go somewhere to go
> 
> And they're gonna leave me here on my own!
> 
> And here it goes...
> 
>  
> 
> **I'm Just a Kid by Simple Plan**
> 
>  
> 
> I felt like I had to put up another Harry chapter. Louis will have a chap soon. Along with the side pairing. Don't panic :) Just enjoy.

\--Harry’s PoV--

“Would you like to tell me why in God’s name you started cutting again!? I thought we’d gone over this. You told me everything would be fine. This is why we started over, Harry. This is why we moved here. Gemma and I both uprooted our lives so that you could have a chance to be happy” my mother snapped at me, inching closer with every word until she was standing right next to the bed.

My sister just stood in the door way looking between Louis and I. “Mum, I think we’re interrupting something. Maybe we should come back in a few minutes” she said, her cheeks flushing almost as red as mine as it clicked with her what we had previously been doing. “Harry and his friend seemed to have been discussing something very important.”

“I’m not an idiot, Gemma” my mother huffed. “They were about five seconds away from taking off each other’s clothes and doing it right here in the hospital, even after everything Harry has been through today. I don’t have time to sit around and twiddle my thumbs as I wait for them to finish. So, no, I’m not going to come back in a few minutes.” My mother turned back to face Louis and I, her hands on her hips.

Louis was completely stiff by me. “Maybe I should go” he finally mumbled as he started to move off of the bed and away from me.

I grabbed his arm, a little tighter than I’d planned to. “Please don’t go” I begged softly. I’d just gotten Louis back, I didn’t want to lose him again because of my lunatic mother.

Louis looked at me and his gaze softened as he moved to sit back next to me again. His arm went around me carefully, wanting me close but not wanting to harm me further.

“Mum, I’m sorry. I knew I made some promises that I thought I could keep, but I can’t just quit cutting overnight. For so long, cutting has been how I dealt with any kind of pain. Ed beat me up, so I cut. Someone called me a queer, so I would cut. I get rejected by a guy, and I cut. I failed a math test, and I couldn’t deal with the failure and cut myself. Sometimes I wouldn’t even have a reason; I would just cut for the sake of cutting. I went too far today and it was the eye opening I needed” I told my mother and sister.

I heard my sister sniff across the room, trying not to cry. “Did you have a reason this time, Haz?” she asked me.

I opened my mouth and then closed it, unsure of how to answer. I didn’t want them to know how irrational I had been and I didn’t want them to dislike Louis without giving him a fair chance.

“I’m afraid this is all my fault” Louis admitted in shame. “We were hanging out and we admitted that we had feelings for each other. I’m bisexual. I had just gotten out of a relationship with my ex-girlfriend and she confronted us. Well, mostly me. She came onto me and told me she wanted to get back together. When I wouldn’t take the bait, she kissed me. I didn’t immediately pull away. It would have been so easy to have just given in to her and gone back to normal, but I couldn’t do that. I haven’t known Harry for long, but he’s already changed me drastically. I’m not out of the closet and he said he doesn’t want people to know either, but I don’t want to be with anyone else” Louis explained with a small shrug, unable to look my family in the eyes.

My heart swelled. He wanted to be with me. We couldn’t tell anyone, because he was scared about coming out and I didn’t want to get bullied on a daily basis for being myself, but we could still be with each other. Liam, Niall, and his friend Zayn knew. That was enough for me. The fact that my mother and sister knew was just the icing on the cake. I just hoped that they could forgive him the way that I had.

My mother sighed, unsure. I could tell that she wanted to trust Louis. However, I had had made it hard for her to do so. I cut myself because of something he had done. In a mother’s eyes, that was unforgivable. “Did you kiss her back?” she asked Louis, crossing her arms over her chest.

Louis looked unsure. “I may have, I honestly don’t remember. I was more focused on weighing my options between Eleanor and Harry than I was actually focused on the fact that I was being kissed. What I remember distinctly, is pushing her away and running after Harry. I will never get the image of finding him on the bathroom floor out of my head and I take full blame and responsibility for this.” I could see his eyes starting to well up and I squeezed his hand.

My sister had cracked and was starting to cry now. “You’re the one who found my brother and called the hospital?” she asked him between sniffles.

Louis just nodded, unable to speak. I could tell that if he spoke, all the tears he’d been holding in would get free and that wasn’t what either of us wanted.

“Louis may have gotten confused for a moment and nearly picked her over me. I may have panicked and gone and made a stupid decision. Louis though, he did everything he could to find me. I hadn’t even told him where I lived.”

Louis sniffed. “I had to call Harry’s friend Liam to get his address. I found the door open and went looking for him. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened had I gotten there any later” he said before finally breaking down and letting out those tears.

I pulled Louis into me, not minding being the supportive one this time. “He saved me” I told my mother and sister.

I could see the forgiveness in my mother’s eyes. I was her baby boy and even though Louis had hurt me, he was also the reason I was still alive. “Thank you” she sobbed before pulling Louis away from me and into a hug.

I looked over at my older sister. She was also crying, but still seemed on edge of Louis. “He’d better not hurt you again” she mouthed.

I shook my mop of curls at her. “He won’t” I mouthed back.

For once, I knew that I had someone in my life that I could count on. Louis would be there for me no matter what. We may not be able to announce our relationship publicly yet, but there was a relationship. And that’s all that mattered to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, guys! I updated again! Isn't that fabulouis!? :) I know, stop disappearing and stop starting new stories. *looks desperately at the Lirry story I'm plot pointing and hangs head in shame* Damn it...
> 
> I have learned the hard way not to ask for a certain number of reviews, because you guys are just too good at reviewing! Haha. Thanks for your continued love and support!
> 
> This story has 54 comments, 38 Kudos, 18 Bookmarks, and 2,764 Reads. that means so much to me. thank you!
> 
> Keep reading. I'll try not to disappoint you anymore
> 
> xxKenzie

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I'm Mackenzie and this is the first fanfiction I'd ever started. Please let me know what you think and if there's anything you'd like to happen! -Kenzie xx


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